February 21, 2018 HeSpeaksVolumes

Being the Third Wheel

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Being the Third Wheel: Life After Your Friends Get Involved

Friends enter our lives many ways and the right friend can turn into family. You spend so much time together and form a bond that should only strengthen over time.
That’s your girl, she is your sister, and you are hers. She knows all your secrets, and you remember hers as well. The two of you plan trips and are so inseparable, especially on the weekends. Closer than sisters, when you see one you will see the other. Not a day goes by that the two of you aren’t talking on the phone or texting. The real definition of sisterhood and the reason she is your best friend.
Through every significant life event, your best friend has been there. She drove you to the hospital when you had that weird stomach pain, she was your shoulder to cry on when that jerk broke your heart, and she was there for you when you messed up the macaroni and cheese for your family’s Thanksgiving.
As life goes on the two of you mature and living delivers responsibilities and these annoying things called bills. Your best friend has met someone that she likes, and from knowing her so well, you can sense that this might be the one. You notice that you two spend less time together, especially alone. She devotes most of her free time away from work on getting to know her new friend, the boyfriend.
This new relationship may bring forth feelings of being left out and in some cases jealousy.
You are going to be happy for your friend and wish them all the success, but you may look at her relationship and wonder when it will be your turn.
Now, most of your time spent with your best friend has become shared, and you are either the third wheel or the exciting friend that both can’t do without.
What you become is mainly decided by you and how you interact with your best friend’s boyfriend. If you two hit it off correctly, a new bond is formed, and that fantastic guy now becomes your brother. But if you guys don’t hit it off well at all, it’s like being in a small room with a crazy cat and an aggressive dog with no way out. Arguments and constant shade will put your best friend in a spot where they will feel like they should choose who to spend time with. That is not fair to your friend at all, so go into this situation with an open mind and a gentle spirit.
Do not look at this new companion as someone who is taking away your best friend, but as someone who is making her better.
They can never take your place, and you can never take theirs.
Together the two of you can guide your friend into the greatness that she was destined to accomplish. Too much conflict and the two of you can lead her into the worst times of her life.

What about me???
Do not make your friend feel guilty about starting a relationship, where you begin to criticize the lack of time the two of you spend. If your friend invites you out, don’t turn down the offer because you are going to be the third wheel. It will make your best friend’s life so much easier if she can hang out with the two people that mean the most to her, at the same time. We all have the same twenty-four hours in a day, and the last time I checked, we could not clone humans yet, so her trying to split her time with the both of you can become stressful. The two of you still need your girl time, and she will need alone time with her boo which is normal and expected.
Being the third wheel is not the end of the world because you will find your mate one day and if it’s not a double date, you will be returning the favor to your girl. Be a real friend and embrace the change and do the best you can to make the transition easier for your bestie. If he is the one, he won’t be disappearing anytime soon so you can either make the most of it or make the worst of it. Making this as easy as possible for your girl is what a real friend would do.
Your sisterhood may not be explained merely or even understood, but give it time to work itself out.
Be patient and supportive of your sister and try to love her mate like a brother.