March 6, 2018 HeSpeaksVolumes

Hey I’m single again

This person is low-key a user

Majority of us have had moments when we lose contact with a friend of ours and return like we never missed a beat. Like real friends, we know that we do not have to talk every single day as we are all living our busy lives.

However, what about the friend that always goes missing in action because of a new relationship????

Disassociating themselves from their friends because they are in a relationship only to return when they are single or going through one of their “problems.” This type of behavior is not fair to the person who never switched sides. The friend that never wavered or dismissed their friend for a new companion is getting the wrong end of the deal.

As this friend, you have been consistent and loyal to the commitment of the friendship. When you became involved with someone of importance, you included your friend and never made them feel abandoned. Being the constant shoulder to lean on and the cheerleader for success through all their milestones.

However, every time someone new entered their lives that appeared to be the one, the distance between you two noticeably grows. A phone call may get returned or something like that but the late nights shared are done with until problems arise. Knowing there won’t be too much hanging out, out of respect for the new relationship.

The feeling of being used occurs every time they magically pop up ready to go out once the new boo is going out with friends. When plans arise for an outing they have not planned, they are usually busy. Once their partner is having a night out without them, they scramble to find an alternative to hang out with, which generally would be you.

It is very unhealthy to not have a life outside of your partner. There is nothing wrong with having friends and keeping those relationships intact. You are not hurting your partner’s feelings if you want to spend time alone with your friends. Those social interactions with the girls are needed and are necessary for your well-being. Gives you some fresh dialogue to talk about with your partner but it also gives you something besides them to be excited about. It is okay to bring your friends along when you are with your partner (READ MORE HERE), but the girls will need their time too. You will appreciate your intimate relationship a lot more if you keep all your meaningful relationships in order.

As a male with female friends, I have noticed the change in some of my friends. A complicated situation because you should respect the new relationship no matter how long you have been a platonic friend in their life. Jealousy will more than likely arise and as a friend you do not want to cause any extra problems. True, a partner should be understanding of your friends, but male friends are just different.

I have been the friend that has had to pause my friendship with a friend while they were in a relationship. It is not a good feeling, and when things do not work out, you are supposed to bounce right back into BFF mode. If things do work out, you are on the outside looking in and possibly missing out on the best times of your friend’s life because they disassociated themselves from their male friend. Think about how your male friend feels being placed on the back burner. We all have feelings, so think of someone else’s besides yours for a change.

Finding the perfect balance will take some effort but if you truly love your friends do not ignore them because you got something new especially if they are the first ones you are going to call when it does not work out.

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